Okay, so here I am at Malaysia airport, waiting for my flight to Cambodia. And yes, I have to use the toilet. Now, since it is 4am, all are quite and clean. I stare at the shower hose next to the toilet, knowing it is for those non asswipers. I know, it is good for the environment, cleaner, and supposed to be more hygienic.

Now, I have 6 hours to kill, so what does one do? Eat and shop. Thus a few hours later, when all of Malaysia decided to go on holiday, I need the toilet again. Entering the toilets, my keen eyes spot one cubicle open, the one at the end. With lightning speed, and as graceful as a mammoth, I storm into the cubicle with my two backpacks. Suddenly all hell breaks lose as I aquaplane on an inch deep water. I come with a crash to a stop against the back wall, almost dropping my jacket into the toilet. The place is a mess, with wet toilet paper and water all over. Because some twat before me, who is not an asswipe like me, could. Not find his own ass. So he hosed down the whole toilet cubicle, and himself. I mean, how difficult is it to use that hose? Your bum is behind you chum, not on the floor. And if you are in doubt, just take a deep breath, it stinks just like mine. If you are still unsure, just fart, you will find it behind you, I promise.

So there I am, squatting inches above the wet seat, holding my aim, knees buckling from effort, while holding my pants up so that it does not get soaked on the wet floor. Now as we all know, if you drop from a distance, you splash. So there I am, self proclaimed asswiper, with a wet bum, thanks to you who sat before me. This, I now have to whipe clean and dry, while holding my pants up. Now since I know where my ass is, it is a one hand job. But I wonder, how do you operate the hose and tap with one hand, impossible. So thus, either you did not wash clean, or your pants are on the floor, in the puddle.

And then it strikes me, your bum is wet, just like mine, and you have to wipe your ass, just like me. And I smile, welcome fellow asswiper.